The damaging effect of denying parts in ourselves we don’t like – and why you should stop this unhealthy habit.
Courtesy picture: Selim Demirdelen. Film director, musician and good friend. In his movie “Anlat Istanbul Istanbul Tales” he brings the dark side of Istanbul to the surface. Together with him I explored the darkest corners of the cellars of castle De Maurissens, Pellenberg. Like so many authors like Bruce Lipton say: you can re-write the script of your life. I did it. A walk to remember!
The damaging effects of denying parts in ourselves we don’t like – and why we should stop doing this.
So many people come to me with the idea they need to “fight against” what they don’t want, or against their ‘shadow’.
This blog covers:
- Making peace with yourself as an alternative to fighting against what you don’t like
- Finding the courage to look at your shadow
- Experiencing the power of daring to embrace and forgive
- Reconnect to the real you (some like to call it the soul, or inner wisdom).
A lot of people start their journey for personal growth because at some point in their life the pain of their troubles becomes unbearable. They are fed up trying to cope. They want to finally get rid of that aspect of themselves that sabotages their life and relationships, their success and fulfillment in whatever they do.
Hidden in the dark shadow.
We all contain messages hidden in our subconscious mind like… I’m not okay. I don’t deserve to be happy. There is something wrong with me. I’m worthless. It’s my fault. People will never love me the way I am. I am a hopeless case.
These messages come from what Carl Jung called the shadow: all the parts of ourselves that we try to hide, deny or push away. Although we never ever chosen to integrate these beliefs… we perceive these thoughts and feelings as true. When they come to the surface, these thoughts make us assume that our partner, kids, family, friends, colleagues, neighbors find us unlovable, unsympathetic, or difficult.
There is, however, something more harmful than musing about what our environment thinks about us. It’s the fact that these sabotaging beliefs push us into shame, self-blame, self-judgment. We are holding back. We are unable to live wholeheartedly.
We hope things will get better. However it’s like playing Ostrich… attempting not to hear or see the hidden stories inside.
Fear plays a huge role: the fear that if we look deeply enough we will uncover something terrible. This builds the habit of repressing and disconnecting from discomforting thoughts and feelings related to our shadow.
Stop denying or repressing
The damaging effect of repressing is that we keep building stress through sabotaging beliefs and emotions. Neuroscience tells us this negatively impacts our well-being and health at cellular level (epigenetics). It damages our ability to recover; it shortens our telomeres which threatens our natural ability to have a long and healthy life (at the ends of the chromosomes in the DNA) Elizabeth Blackburn and Elissa Epel wrote a bestseller “The telomere effect” about this amazing new scientific knowledge.
So stop trying to deny the parts in you that you would rather hide. The only solution for transforming your life is to be in peace with your shadow. Debbie Ford wrote several books about the shadow (e.g. The Dark Side of The Light Chasers)
I liberated myself from identifying with being shy, as well as from the nasty habits related to perfectionism. Liberating is uplifting. It creates space to replace the old shadow with something new and uplifting.
What parts of yourself you try to hide or suppress? Today you have the choice to continue living with your shadow or to embrace it, liberate yourself and create your new energizing reality.
Here are the steps.
Step 1: Making peace with yourself as an alternative to fighting against what you don’t like. Allow and embrace, acknowledge and accept the part you did not like until today (stop identifying yourself with the sabotaging beliefs and create peace of mind).
Step 2: Find the courage to look at your shadow. Liberate yourself from all irrational or emotional thoughts and feelings attached to the shadow (liberating yourself from shame, (self)blame, and judgement thought forgiving yourself)
Step 3: Experience the power of daring to embrace and forgive. Now you are ready to consciously choose what you want instead. Only by releasing old patterns there will be room for something new.
Step 4: Reconnect to the real you. Imagine you are the person on the beautiful autumn picture on top: after embracing a shadow part, you are ready to turn around… warm yourself with the sun and feel your inner lightness.
How to do this? Use whatever works for you, to guide you through this process, like deep meditation or any other modality.
What works best for me are the transformational processes in the subconscious mind, through brain-synchronizing. I use PSYCH-K®, the Key to life-force (or vitality, like in the Greek work ‘psyche’). Learn more about it here
Step 5: If you like this post, apply the idea, share it with your friends, and use the form below to sign up for occasional updates or a free 20 minutes discovery call.
Stop trying to hide or suppress what you don’t like in yourself or your life. Today you have a choice.